From Panic to Peace

These past few months have been some of the most difficult many of us have ever experienced. From escalating racial tensions, a divisive presidential election, and, of course, the COVID-19 pandemic, modern-day living seemed to morph into a crisis of apocalyptic proportions from the moment we crossed into the year 2020. 

For some of us, we have also experienced personal tragedies alongside this collective trauma. My mother had multiple heart attacks and strokes the week that the pandemic strongly hit the nation, and she passed away after 4 grueling days of our family praying and fighting for her life. The loss couldn’t have come more suddenly and unexpectedly, and the grief hit me harder than I could handle. 

Losing my mother in the midst of these global crises caused me to relapse into a state of persistent panic attacks and anxiety. Sometimes, these panic attacks have been so violent I have called 911 or wanted to check myself into the ER to make sure nothing was wrong with my heart or lungs. Strangely, some of my panic attack symptoms even matched the symptoms of COVID-19 (shortness of breath, fevers), which caused me to experience even more stress, fear, and anxiety related to the pandemic.  

If you are struggling with debilitating depression, panic attacks, or anxiety, please know that things can get better. In just these past 7 months since losing my mom, through regular therapy and lots of support from family and friends, I have been able to learn coping mechanisms that have transformed my daily living from a state of desperate survival to restful ease. 

Despite the fact that the world seems to be spiraling out of control and growing more stressful and scary each day, hope can be found here and now, if we are willing to invest in some simple self-care practices. 

Here are some tips I have learned:

1. Trust yourself 

After I lost my mom and began experiencing my panic disorder relapse, almost every person in my life immediately suggested prescription medication. Given my background with substance abuse and addiction, I know that prescription addictive anti-anxiety psychiatric drugs are dangerous for me, and I did not want to become dependent on them to manage my anxiety. 

Against my better judgement, I made an appointment with a psychiatrist, who promptly prescribed me over 6 different medications to try over the span of a few weeks. I do not judge anyone who takes prescription medication for anxiety and depression, but I know that path is not for me. Each one I tried caused various negative side effects in my body that only exacerbated my panic and anxiety. Eventually, I decided to trust myself and get off the prescription medication bandwagon in favor of natural supplements and homeopathic methods. It is a very personal choice, and can be successful for some and harmful to others. You must know what’s right for you. 

If well-intentioned people in your life offer you advice that does not resonate with your values or you know could have a negative effect on your mind or body, feel free to reject it. Take steps towards anxiety-relieving solutions that have worked well for you in the past that you feel safe pursuing, such as professional counseling, massage therapy, or other alternatives.

2. Ask for help 

We were never meant to make it through this life alone. One of the keys to recovering from severe anxiety is to regularly ask for help from your support system. It can be tempting in a stressful season to isolate yourself for fear of being too much of a “burden” to others, but social support is necessary for recovery. 

According to the US National Library of Medicine of the National Institutes of Health, “Numerous studies indicate social support is essential for maintaining physical and psychological health. The harmful consequences of poor social support and the protective effects of good social support in mental illness have been well documented.” 

Ask a few close friends or family members if they would be willing or able to be “on call” for you while you work towards recovering from anxiety. Whenever you begin to feel overwhelmed or on the verge of a panic attack, give them a call and see if they can share some encouraging words or meet for a calming walk.

3. Identify your creature comforts and indulge regularly 

Creature comforts, whether food, entertainment or physical surroundings, can serve as incredibly healing methods of recovery from anxiety. For me, this means taking long hikes in the woods, eating copious amounts of popcorn and dark chocolate, or curling up with a cozy blanket and binge-watching Gilmore Girls. Whatever your creature comforts may be, identify them and indulge regularly. Of course - make sure to do so in moderation in the context of a balanced lifestyle marked by consistent exercise, healthy eating, and persistent work ethic, but creature comforts can be extremely soothing during a challenging time. Be extra gentle with yourself. 

4. Don’t forget to laugh and have fun 

Battling severe anxiety can quickly suck all the fun out of life. No matter how much pain and panic you may be feeling, make sure to invite laughter and lightness into your life by planning exciting excursions, coffee dates with close friends, or watching your favorite funny movie. 

Since I have struggled to enjoy living recently when I’m on my own, I’ve made sure to surround myself with people I can always count on to make me laugh or remind me of life’s goodness.

Recently, my boyfriend took me on an exciting trip to the Great Smokey Mountains National Park, where we went on several gorgeous hikes and took in the glorious hilltops and changing leaves. His spontaneous hiking songs and corny jokes never failed to put a smile on my face, even in the midst of moments where my anxiety felt unbearable.  

5. Invest in therapy

For years, I struggled to find the right therapist, and I even gave up at one point after trying and failing so many times. Thankfully, the perfect one divinely dropped into my life out of seemingly nowhere at the perfect time, and she has been a lifeline to helping me cope with the stress of losing my mom and battling debilitating panic attacks. Through cognitive behavioral therapy, she has taught me the importance of learning to rewire my neurological pathways by reflecting on my thoughts and replacing lies with truth to align my mind with more peaceful patterns. Her presence in my life has proven to be invaluable, and I have learned how to cope with and overcome my struggles with anxiety in a tremendous way through her wisdom and advice.

I’d also like to highlight some of my favorite alternative therapy options:

Puppy Therapy: Never underestimate the power of puppy therapy. While I do not yet have a dog of my own, my friends sister has kindly ‘loaned’ me her adorable Maltiyork to keep me company while I work from home during the day. His playful demeanor and insatiable desire for snuggles has provided me endless comfort and joy over these past few months, welcomed distractions from the underlying pain and heaviness that have weighed down my heart.

Retail therapy: Retail therapy, while seemingly superficial, can also provide a reprieve from intense anxiety, grief, or depression. The point is not to outspend your budget or rack up credit card debt but to immerse yourself in an atmosphere of goodness, peace, and joy. Even if you do not spend a penny, taking the time to stroll through your favorite stores and pick up inspiration from the decor to the outfits can be incredibly relaxing and infuse your day with a sense of hope for a more beautiful future someday.  

2020 will be over in just a few months. While we may see no end to the pandemic in sight, taking steps towards pursuing peace in the midst of the panic will help you gain greater resilience to face the trials to come while remaining joyful and hopeful.