You Are Your Own Best Ally: Making and Keeping Promises to Yourself

You know how satisfying it is to cross something off your “to-do list”? That’s exactly how making and keeping promises to yourself feels. It’s like you were just holding your breath for a long time and finally got to exhale into contentment. 

 
A lot has changed for me since the pandemic hit— I became a mom again, I stopped teaching my dance and yoga classes, and I started working from home (while being a stay-at-home mom). I went from having scheduled movement most days of the week to confinement in my own home. 

Exercise and movement were always such a huge part of my day-to-day, I never had to think about adding it into my routine before. So, when the world stopped, I stopped. Plus, I was extremely ill from my second pregnancy.  

I fell into a new routine of moving from couch to bed for months, barely able to work from home and keep my almost-one-year-old fed and happy. As my pregnancy continued and my baby turned into a toddler, I was moving in a different way, but I was very much missing my yoga and dance classes. I was even missing just walking from the parking lot to my office or down the hall to the kitchen or bathroom. My daily steps went from the “recommended” (whatever that means) of 2K down to 300 or so. 

One day I decided I needed movement. I had to add it back into my life. I am one of those people whose mental health suffers without exercise so I made my first promise to myself: I will practice yoga today. I asked my husband to hang with the kids so I could be present for the 75-minute virtual class. And to be honest, it was so hard to be present. My kids were extremely distracting, and my newborn baby even screamed for a portion of it. I felt super defeated and didn’t make any more commitments to exercising. 

About two months later, the little voice in my head yelled at me to try again. I made another promise to myself that I was going to exercise after the kids went to bed. This time, something clicked for me. I showed up for myself and put effort into it. I fell into contentment. 

So, I kept at it. I started small, because that’s what works for me, by making, and keeping, one promise a week to myself that I would exercise. As time went on, and I started to trust myself, I began making daily promises to myself— and keeping them! 

“Today I will exercise after my kids go to bed.” 

“Today I will get my yoga mat out and stretch while the kids watch TV or have a snack.” 

“We’re going to the park today so the kids can run around, and I can get some steps in.” 

If these last few years have taught me anything, it’s to be flexible but firm: with myself. I know things can change in a heartbeat but if I keep 90% of the promises I make to myself, I am not only filling my cup, but I am better able to show up for other people (aka, my family). 

Think if it like this— how do you treat other important relationships in your life that you want to nourish? With trust, respect, and kindness. So, do that for YOURSELF. The fact is that the relationship you have with yourself is the most important one you have. Making and keeping promises to yourself has everything to do with putting yourself first and treating your relationship with yourself like you treat any other relationship you want to nourish.  

Maybe you need to build trust with yourself when it comes to letting go of intrusive, bullying thoughts. Perhaps the promise this week is: when I get dressed in the morning, I will only speak kindly to myself. Or maybe you need to trust yourself more when it comes to mindless snacking (this has also been part of my own promise making journey) so today you promise yourself that you will start the morning with a balanced plate and snack mindfully throughout the day. 

Over time, as you build trust with yourself, keeping promises to yourself becomes a habitual part of your day. And, if you’re like me, it becomes habitual again. I lost trust in myself throughout the pandemic due to circumstances out of my control (work from home/stay at home mommin’, sickness during pregnancy, loss of movement outlets) and this has been a way back to finding myself again— just in the “new normal” that we know of today.  

Identify where you need to trust yourself more: how can you support you? Start there. Make and keep just one promise to yourself and sit in the contentment feeling it brings. Then, go back for more.