Practicing Self-Compassion
As Valentine’s Day fast approaches, I’ve been thinking more and more about self love expressed through self compassion. For a long time during the pandemic I struggled to feel a sense of purpose, to enjoy life, to get out of bed, to dig myself out of the hole of depression and anxiety that I felt myself sinking into. There were weeks that bled into months where doing simple tasks like brushing my teeth, putting on something other than the sweatpants I had been wearing for days, or channeling even an ounce of productivity felt insurmountable. I was tired all the time. I wasn’t doing the things I usually loved to do. I looked forward to going to sleep each night because being awake felt like a constant state of stress and guilt for not accomplishing more.
Balancing meeting work deadlines while also providing myself with time to rest and decompress was a huge struggle for me. I swung between extremes of overworking myself or avoiding work altogether. My new adult life lacked structure and felt like such a harsh contrast to college. I didn’t want to move on from the way my life used to be. This rocky post-grad transition coupled with the shock of the changing COVID world around me sent me into a tailspin. The thing that got me through it all was a combination of therapy, new medication, and embracing the concept of self care and compassion.
I have always struggled with self love, since I am a perfectionist and tend to be hyper-critical of myself. This aspect of my personality hasn’t changed. But, I have learned to practice self compassion, focusing more on being gentle with myself and exercising self care as a way of striving for eventual self love.
A lot of the work of self compassion involves listening to your emotions, validating your feelings rather than trying to repress or change them, treating yourself as you would treat someone you love in your life, and implementing positive habits into your daily routine.
I used to admonish myself for feeling negative emotions like sadness or jealousy and would even tell myself that I shouldn’t feel them. Now, I embrace what my feelings are telling me. I find by recognizing your emotions and where they come from and accepting them allows you to better move on in a healthy way. You need to feel in order to heal.
Another revelation I found in my journey of self compassion is extending my sense of empathy to myself just as I would a close friend or family member. I am harder on myself than I would ever be on anyone else in my life. Today, I focus on recognizing and giving myself credit for the daily tasks that I do. I even list out at least 3 small things each day that bring me joy. This act of gratefulness and self praise helps foster a more positive outlook on life.
Routine has also contributed to my improved mental state. Simply putting on an outfit that makes me feel confident, brushing my teeth, taking my medication first thing in the morning, and showering regularly makes a world of difference. Beginning these habits was hard at first, but fast became muscle memory. I find by taking care of my physical body, I am taking care of my emotional health as well. By spending time on self care, I am telling myself that I am deserving of effort and feeling good.
Want to start practicing self compassion? First set your intentions. What do you want to do more of for yourself that you aren’t currently doing? Think about things that bring you joy or basic tasks that make you feel relaxed, calm, and ready to take on the world. Pick just one or two habits to start. You can always add more as you become used to the routine you set for yourself. Then, pick a specific time of day when you can weave in the new habit. Doing tasks at the same time each day helps ingrain them into your memory and keeps you accountable.
To practice self compassion in each present moment, recognize your emotions and try to respond to yourself the way that you would respond to someone you love. Give yourself the comfort and validation that you would extend toward those you care about. A big part of that means giving yourself a break and cutting yourself slack for perceived flaws or failures. Self compassion and self love is habit. If you stay dedicated and make it a part of your daily routine, it will soon become natural to you.
