Returning to a Meditation Practice
Sit comfortably. Lengthen spine. Inhale. Exhale. Reposition the cushion. Actually–just lie down. Longer exhale. Slower inhale. Unclench the jaw. Exhale. Pause. Sigh out the mouth. Longer sigh.
My Practice
I began practicing meditation during my undergrad years as I gradually left a high-control religious community. I attended a weekly meditation class in a local church basement and slowly built a daily meditation practice on my own. In search of a new spiritual tradition that aligned more with my beliefs and values, I studied texts like Elizabeth Lesser’s “The New American Spirituality,” to get a sense of how different religions and traditions use meditation. I tried guided imagery, prayer, silence, mostly talking to whomever or whatever I felt like was listening, visualization, mantras, and more. I kept up with my practice for several years, through my Peace Corps service post college and as I returned to the U.S.
But somewhere during that time of getting married, full-time work, graduate school, and children, I stopped practicing meditation as a spiritual or psychological exploration. After I had my first baby, meditation, or even thinking about meditation fell completely off my radar. Frequently anxious and overwhelmed by mothering two small children, meditation didn’t feel like something that I had time for to build into my day anymore, despite desperately needing it. And frankly, like many other mothers, I knew that what I needed most during those early years was practical support, not the pointless mental escape that I started to think meditation was. I couldn’t sit alone and chant ancient prayers or think about mantras. I had bottles to make, diaper bags to pack, and, if I had any time for myself, I didn’t want to meditate,. I wanted to take a hot shower and maybe watch a mindless television show.
But as my children grew a little older and I was able to have a bit more time and space to myself, I began returning to my meditation practice. I returned to it in the most practical sense, not to necessarily ponder the mysteries of spirituality or the universe, but to regulate my nervous system and help me with the overwhelm I felt daily. In the last few months, I began meditation again for 5, 10, 15 minutes at a time and have noticed important effects and benefits.
How I Meditate
Maybe someday I will return to the more traditional forms of meditation such as the ones that come from Buddhism or Hinduism, but as I returned to meditation, I needed to keep it simple. I began searching for yoga nidra videos on YouTube and loved how it prioritized putting my body in a comfortable nest of pillows and blankets, scanning my body for areas of tension, and encouraging the stress to dissolve away. I love meditating most in the sauna at our local gym which presents both benefits and challenges depending on the temperature and length of time I can endure it.
I typically put on a 10 minute guided meditation video on a fitness app that I use and follow along. Sometimes, I put on music to pray (to something or someone? still working that out). Sometimes I sit in silence and ask myself how I am feeling–really, really, really feeling–and discover I feel happier than I realized or sadder than I realized or more grateful than I realized and, from there, I can adjust my thoughts and actions accordingly. Sometimes, like during a long winter break with schools and daycares closed, it’s the only ten minutes of a day I get to give to myself. Some days I don’t have to sneak away to meditate with a time limitation; I can meditate until I feel satisfied. No matter how I meditate, the purpose is the same: to give myself space to process, to feel, to rest.
Benefits
Returning to a meditation practice has helped me in two significant ways. First, it has reminded me of an embodied sense of calmness and peace that I don’t really tap into much without taking the time to do so through meditation. With two energetic young boys, our house has a lot of stimulation. Through practicing meditation, I’m reminded both in my mind and body that I can access a stillness and deep well of peace (within me!). I imagine this well deep inside my body with utter calmness and stillness that cannot be disturbed. Reflecting on this metaphor during meditation allows me to remember it in times throughout my day when I am suddenly activated.
In addition, meditation has helped me improve my communication skills with others. This may seem strange since meditation, as I practice, is primarily done alone. But taking the time to check in with myself each day has helped me first reflect on how I am feeling and thinking. It’s so easy to be tuned out going through the motions of each day without even noticing what is going on in my mind or body. Because of that, meditation has allowed me to reflect on my genuine response to conversations or situations instead of just robotically reacting. In taking the time to reflect and process my own thoughts and feelings in a calm space, I can communicate much more honestly and clearly, even as heightened emotions arise during challenging conversations.
Simply put, creating a sustainable meditation practice is, to me at least, always worth it. Keeping it simple, such as a few minutes of sitting in quiet or using the innumerable free resources available online makes it manageable and easy but not without its benefits. It allows us to still our bodies, quiet our minds, and refresh ourselves. It can be as complex as the rich, spiritual traditions of the past or as basic as sitting in silence for a few minutes alone. As my story shows, it may be more feasible during certain seasons or periods of life, but I hope to continue to prioritize it to sustain the benefits I have noticed. However, you practice, give yourself the gift of meditation–a few moments each day of reflection, of stillness, of peace.