Struggling with Re-Entry
This past year has tested us as individuals and a society more than we ever could have imagined. We have endured long months of isolation, unemployment, remote learning, limited social and physical contact, missed celebrations/milestones, and so much more. Some of us sunk into deep depressions, experienced intense anxiety, and felt more fearful than we ever had of the outside world. Some of us contracted the virus, while others watched people close to them grow sick or pass away from COVID-19.
As we enter into more hopeful times with more people becoming vaccinated, cities opening up, restrictions loosening, and life returning to a sense of normalcy, how do we, as a collective, shed our masks and brave re-entering the world? How do we navigate our shared trauma? How do we create a new normal for ourselves that feels comfortable and sustainable?
Over these past few months, these are the questions that I’ve been struggling with. I reached full vaccination in April and with it came a feeling of joy and a sense of security. I could see my grandparents again. I could hug my fellow vaccinated friends. I could move about in public with less anxiety and dread. The world felt as if it had opened up.
While I am grateful for my health and the privilege of vaccination, acclimating to normal life has been a lot harder than I anticipated. My social battery is much emptier than it used to be. With my 9 to 5, I struggle to motivate myself to see friends Monday through Friday. Going out feels more difficult. I feel guilty taking time for myself as the world reopens.
My social anxiety has also increased over the course of the pandemic, making me more prone to isolation. As much as I value time with friends, part of me will miss having the convenient excuse of the pandemic to not hang out when I am feeling burnt out or simply not in the mood.
I don’t know about you but coming out of the pandemic has accelerated my anxiety about my life path. During COVID, the pressure I put on myself to be constantly improving, accomplishing things, and moving forward at a fast pace eased. It felt as though I could actually bare witness to my life and focus on the present moment, instead of just being pulled along blindly as my life happened to me. People around me were also unsure of their next moves, which made me feel less alone. Several of my friends decided to move home while they figured out what they wanted to do and others had to switch gears and begin applying again because their job offers fell through. I had company as an unemployed 2021 college graduate, searching for work.
Many of us are stuck at a standstill in our lives. We were all figuring things out. Our carefully laid plans had all been disrupted. There was a sense of collective uncertainty that was weirdly comforting. For the first time in a long time, I didn’t feel guilty that I wasn’t where I wanted to be in life. I allowed myself to rest and even on occasion, to do nothing.
Since the world has started opening, however, my anxieties about my future have peaked again and I compare myself constantly. Not having a clear life plan doesn’t feel as acceptable anymore. Questions swirl through my mind. Am I on the right trajectory? Am I a successful adult? Am I saving enough money? Am I good enough? Could I be doing more to be moving up the ladder in the workforce?
Just as I had to adjust to living my life in a pandemic, I am now having to re-learn how to navigate “normal” life. As exciting as re-entry is, it’s also scary and can be pretty overwhelming.
If you have found yourself feeling similarly and struggling with re-entering the world, you are not alone. These feelings are normal. Transitions are hard and they look different for everyone. Do not feel guilty if you are adjusting at a pace that varies from the people around you. Do not feel guilty for processing and listening to whatever emotions arise in you.
Some people coming out of the pandemic are starved for socialization and ready to hit the bars as soon as restrictions permit it. Others are vaccinated, but feeling more cautious. Maybe you are not ready to give up the sense of safety a mask gives you. Maybe you would rather hang out in smaller groups or one on one.
This is all to say, if you want to go to a party, attend a concert or a festival, or go on a trip— go for it! But if you aren’t comfortable with those things yet or if you are easing into society more slowly, that’s ok also. Be gentle with yourself and know that you will re-adjust eventually. Just give yourself time. Everyone is different and there is no one right way to acclimate.
