You Have to Go Through It

Every day I have to read “We’re Going on a Bear Hunt” by Michael Rosen. My husband introduced my son to this book a few months ago because he loved it when he was a child. I had never heard of it and, since I am not pro-hunting, I was turned off from the book title at first (spoiler: they don’t kill the bear). But the more I read it, the more profound I have found the message to be.

I’ll share a stanza with you so you can see why. The children go on a bear hunt, and they have to cross through many different landscapes to find the bear.

We’re going on a bear hunt.
We’re going to catch a big one.
What a beautiful day!
We’re not scared.

Oh-oh! Mud!
Thick, oozy mud.
We can’t go over it.
We can’t go under it.
Oh, no!
We have to go through it.

This stanza is repeated but with different landscapes and, every time, the kids have to go through it. For many years, I struggled to process my emotions — I saw them as a weakness. I thought I could will them away or ignore them all together. Now, this certainly was not healthy. It took me many years to realize that you actually have to feel the emotions that arise for you and take time to process them.

You have to sit in the mud, in the discomfort. You have to go through it. You can’t push it away or hide from it. You have to feel it even if it feels like it will take forever.

You don’t have to go on a bear hunt to find negative feelings. They naturally arise over the course of life, but it does take courage to face those emotions without fear — we’re not scared.

I share this story with you because maybe you are like me and you never had anyone tell you there is a better way of feeling all the ups and downs of life. Social media makes you believe that there is only sunshine. But this is just not true. The shadow side of life makes the sunny side brighter and I truly believe that through pain we can grow into a better version of ourselves if we are willing to face it head on.

In those moments when I have found myself deep in the mud, full of emotions, the greatest calm that I have found is the simple phrase “this too shall pass.” The only thing about life that stays the same is that it doesn’t stay the same. When you are in the mud, reach out to someone you trust to help you work through it — a family member, a friend, or a therapist. After all, it is a beautiful day, we are not scared, and giving yourself space to process your emotions is the only way to get to the other side.

You have to go through it.