Becoming Anti-Fragile or One Step Beyond Resilience

When I was in my early twenties, I moved back in with my mom and stepdad after going through a break-up. I immediately started hunting for a job and applied to a restaurant I heard was highly sought after and very hard to get into without knowing someone to open the door for you. Two days later, my mom and I were eating at a different restaurant, and I asked if they were hiring and, well, they hired me on the spot.  

I was ecstatic; practically jumping up and down. Day one on the job I started training with someone who had been working at that restaurant for 10 years. I quickly realized that everyone had been there for years. I was, for lack of a better phrase, fresh meat and extremely unwelcome. 

After four hours shadowing the woman who was training me, I hid in the bathroom and cried. Something did not feel right to me about being there. I checked my phone and saw I had a missed call from none other than the restaurant I applied for just a few days earlier. They offered me a job. 

I left my training shift where I was and called the new restaurant to accept the offer and see if I could start the next day. When I got home, I called the “old” restaurant and quit. I have never quit a job like that. I was nervous as hell when I made that call and so relieved when it was all over.  

My first night at the new restaurant, Chesapeake Inn, in Chesapeake, MD was like being the new kid at school. It was exciting and nerve-racking, but it felt right. After my morning of training, someone didn’t show up for their shift and they let me stay on for a “light” night on the floor.  

Now, this was very unheard of. Typically, people trained 3+ times before getting a floor shift, but right place right time, I guess. I was thrilled. 

An hour into that shift and we got slammed. I was literally thrown to the wolves, and it was exhilarating. I had so much fun and thrived on the unknown wildness of it all.  

This wasn’t my first “thrown to the wolves” moment or my last, but it’s the loudest one in my mind as I write this. 

Why did that night of chaos and quick-thinking make me feel so alive? Why did I thrive in that type of environment? 

Because in those moments, I experienced being anti-fragile.  

I didn’t have a word for it until a few weeks ago when this idea of anti-fragility landed on my doorstep. Ever since, I’ve been digging deep and slowly beginning to grasp and connect with the basis of this idea. 

To be anti-fragile is to be one step beyond resilient. So, what the heck does that even mean? If resilience is defined as the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties, anti-fragile means that we don’t have to necessarily recover from anything. Instead, we expect the challenges to arise and rather it happening to us, we happen to it.  

So how do we get there? Adopt an anti-fragile mindset. 

Too much stability creates comfort and lack of strength. This is true for humans: no effort, no strength. Wake up each day and say, “I’m ready for anything that happens, and I expect it to happen” that way you can think on your feet and rise to any occasion. Question everything and embrace discomfort. Nothing will catch you off guard. Nothing will break you.