Therapy: It’s Worth It

I’m in therapy.

My therapy journey started 9 years ago, after my mother died unexpectedly.  

Therapy has helped me through countless struggles, the most prominent being my infertility journey.  

After my twins were born in 2016, I stopped going to therapy and looking back, that was when I needed therapy the most. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was trying to be the mother I wanted to be, while ignoring the elephant in the room— my own childhood trauma. 

I’ve had an off and on again relationship with therapy, but three years ago I went through a traumatic experience which ended up being the catalyst for me to go back to weekly therapy sessions.

This time therapy was different. Yes, we spent time working through the traumatic event, but we also started to explore my past. I stopped ignoring my childhood trauma and started to work through it.  

At first it felt like therapy in the movies; talking about my parents and childhood. My childhood brought a lot of trauma with it, and we talked a lot about how it made me feel.  

Then we started to really focus on Kim as a little girl, the little girl who really needed support and just didn't get it. The little girl who decided that in order to survive, she needed to make sure everything was perfect. The little girl that thought her sole purpose in life was to make everyone else happy.  

That little girl still needs present Kim to help her through all the feelings while still taking care of herself.  

That right there is why therapy is exhausting.  

The focus on my day-to-day mental health all while trying to work through the trauma I've been through.  

* Right now, I'm fighting the urge to quantify my trauma to you, the reader*  

So nowadays some sessions are still just talking about my everyday mental health status and current situations that I'm dealing with. My kids, my job, my relationships…everything that impacts my mental health on a regular basis.  

And other sessions are talking about and working through things that happened to me almost 30 years ago. I never know what the session will be until I start talking and that's why, most weeks, I find myself saying “I do NOT want to do therapy today.” 

Not because I don't need it, those days tend to be when I need it the most, but because of the mental and emotional energy I have to spend while working through the past. 

Is it hard work? Absolutely.  

Will I stop going? Absolutely not.  

Don't get me wrong, it’s not a free-for-all each session. My therapist is great and knows when we need to pull back and take the work a little slower. But, to be honest, I have canceled a week or two or five in the past year because I wasn’t sure what the session would include.   

There's nothing wrong with taking care of yourself. I might cancel an appointment, but I will always go back because the work I'm doing is crucial for me and everyone in my life.  

None of this is meant to deter you from therapy. I think everyone should go to therapy. Taking care of your mental health is just as important as your physical health. I just think people tend to avoid the unknown, so many decide to not try therapy and people tend to think that therapy isn’t worth the hard emotions when in fact, in my opinion, that’s the best part. YES, the conversations can be hard, YES, the emotions can be even harder, but you aren’t alone, you are with a trained professional who is there to help navigate all the hard things.  

Therapy can be scary; therapy can be hard but remember this: Therapists are there to help you through all of life’s struggles and through the therapy itself. You will have someone in your corner, supporting you every step of the way.  

Go to therapy, it’s worth it. 

If you are considering therapy and don’t know where to start, visit JCSbalt.org or call 410-466-9200 for help.