Birthday Bash CANCELLED, Turning 30 STILL ON
I am turning 30 next week.
Birthdays are important to me (you’re either a Birthday Person, or Not-a-Birthday Person. I’m definitely the former). To celebrate this important milestone, I planned a huge birthday party with 60 people coming in from all over the country to celebrate. I had a cool venue, a caterer, a DJ, a gorgeous outfit, and the best part -- all my favorite people were to be in one place. The 6-month planning process was consuming and exciting. Everything was going to be perfect.
But, alas, the only thing we can count on is change, right? With the onset of the global COVID19 pandemic, life has literally turned on its head for billions of people across the world. I had to cancel the party.
Now, faced with the reality of my 30th birthday being another day of PJs, video-chat and boxed wine, I am pretty bummed. No sparkly dress; no karaoke with my friends til dawn; no fancy champagne or singing “Happy Birthday.” No happy memories to be made to commemorate this huge life milestone.
After I made the call to cancel the party, I stewed and pouted and cried and played the victim. I declared, Let’s just forget I am turning 30. And then I felt guilty for feeling so bummed about a silly party when people are dying, businesses are closing, and people are losing their jobs. In the end, it felt like everything was ruined.
But, with the time and space afforded to me by “social distancing,” I realized that focusing on the party was allowing me to dodge the real work, the work of reflecting on what turning 30 really means to me.
Looking back, my 20s were rife with change -- breakups, new cities, new friends, and three new jobs. Surviving the decade took a lot of hard work on myself. But mostly, as I look back, all I could do was just go through it. All of it. The sleepless nights, countless bad first dates, wondrous travel experiences, terrible office jobs, too much alone time, not enough alone time, empty bank accounts, nights out on the town, toxic relationships, amazing friendships and all the fun in between. Happy, free, confusing, lonely at the same time. (Yas, Tay!)
But now, with the tumultuous decade under my belt, I feel that I am standing on the top of the mountain, looking down at the journey from the clouds. I’m a bit bruised but the climb has made me strong. I’ve done the work and I’m entering my 30s more sure of myself, what I want and who I am than ever before.
And, I’ve wanted this life for as long as I can remember. I’ve worked hard over the years to maintain and build my friendships and to get where I am in my career. I’ve been on hundreds of dates (literally) to finally find the person I will spend my life with. I am happy in my life right now.
And, what? I’m choosing to be miserable and feel bad for myself because a silly birthday party got cancelled? That’s completely ridiculous, immature, and stupid.
I said to myself, GET IT TOGETHER, EMALEE.
This is the universe speaking to you.
Look what is RIGHT in front of you. You have everything you ever wanted.
This is a lesson in gratitude. Look around. Breathe it in.
I guess all it takes is a global pandemic to put things into perspective, eh? (I kid, I kid). I, like thousands of others, do feel melancholy for all the fun and socializing that we’re all missing out on during this time. But, in the grand scheme of things, if my social calendar is the only thing to take a hit, then I have nothing to complain about.
I challenge you to take stock of your life during this major bummer, scary, fear-driven time in our world. Gratitude is powerful -- it can make the biggest loss feel like the greatest gift. It’s all a matter of perspective.
