I Picked A BAD Time To Be Single: Surviving The Coronavirus Solo

Before I begin, I want to say: Hey there, how are you holding up? And if no one has told you lately, you’re wonderful (and sexy).

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, anxiety-ridden, and full of questions, know that you’re not alone. As an extrovert who lives solo, I know how isolating life can feel right now with social distancing. If I wasn’t talking to my plants before this, you better believe we’re having some deep life chats now. 

In the last few weeks, I’ve been educating myself on coronavirus, although I’m beginning to think we should refer to it as the-virus-that-must-not-be-named as it shares many similar attributes to the infamous Harry Potter character we all fear the most. 

But when you have a father who worked in emergency management for half of his life, ignorance isn’t really an option. A year ago when there was threat of a dangerous hurricane, the man bought a raft. Where he planned to go in that raft, I haven’t the slightest idea, but nevertheless, we were prepared. So I started social distancing on the earlier side – grocery shopping at nighttime in mostly empty stores, wiping down equipment at the local yoga studio I attend while sitting six feet away from other yogis, and forgoing my normal St. Patty’s Day plans to bar hop and listen to live music at the neighborhood dive. 

All small prices to pay for the safety of others, but to be quite frank: social distancing is not fun. It’s not fun for anyone, and it’s super not fun for us single folk who live on our own. As I go out for my afternoon frolic, I can’t help but notice how many couples are going on runs together at this time or holding glove-covered hands while they look out at the sunset on their walk. And you guys, as I witness their beautiful connections, I’ve never wanted to snuggle so much in my freakin’ life. Suddenly, we’re told we can’t do or have something, and just like a toddler, we immediately want it.

Yesterday, I spent the better part of my day contemplating whether or not to reach out to my ex-boyfriend, and by ex-boyfriend I mean the beautiful green-eyed man I shared a brief but special relationship with in the month of October. 

“I mean, isn’t now the time to reach out to those we care about!” my heart argued to my brain. 

“What if he’s having a hard time? I want him to know he’s not alone!” my heart continued. 

“What if HE has the-virus-that-must-not-be-named and needs MY help?!” my adorable little heart pleaded, always going full force with the dramatics. 

But alas, thanks to a very good friend compassionately talking sense into me, I did not reach out. She offered me the following words of wisdom that I’ll now share with you:

1. We’re all in a weird place, no moves should be made. We should sit quietly and read and do puzzles and go for walks and work and not allow the space and quiet to get in our heads too much.

2. Don’t reach out. Don’t reach out. Don’t reach out.

3. If you do reach out, I love you and you will never get judgement from me...EVER.

4. If he wanted to reach out, he has the means, he would contact you.

5. Silence can create a little bit of mystery for him. Let him wonder where you are and what you’re doing, and if you’re happy.

6. You are enough and capable and strong and beautiful and lovely. And just because he was willing to let that go doesn’t mean those things aren't there without him. Feel your worth and enjoy this quiet time you get with yourself. 

After reading her sage advice, I did two things. 

First, I turned inward. 

I checked in with myself. I realized it was normal to want physical connection – hand holding, snuggling, sitting next to someone while watching Tiger King – in this time of uncertainty. It made sense that I wanted to shoot a text message and set up a FaceTime date with someone I missed. But I also realized that I can hold space to miss someone and send them love energetically (as woo-woo as that might sound), while also choosing to not reach out, because truthfully, I know it’s not the right move for me, as much as I wish it was.

Instead, I could come back to a sacred truth: that in all moments I can show up to myself with the love that I crave. 

How?

1. I can wake up and write 10 affirmations about myself (I am loved, I am cherished, I am resilient).

2. I can get out of my jammies, do my hair, and put on a favorite outfit while jammin’ out to Lizzo.

3. I can cook myself a nice meal and eat it over candlelight, while listening to Frank Sinatra. 

4. I can try something new and finally become a puzzle person! (Weird things are exciting me these days, apparently).

5. I can go on walks and enjoy the pleasure of my own company (Some days this is easier than others which is OK).

6. I can give myself a pedicure and make my toes look pretty.

7. I can pick a flower outside and place it in a vase to add some beauty to my breakfast tray in the morning.

8. I can journal about all the times in my life when I’ve felt extremely loved, and savor the details, knowing that many similar moments are still ahead.

Secondly, I got creative. 

While I can’t physically go on dates with anyone at the moment (although, I wonder if walk-dates, six feet apart would be discouraged in the state of Maryland 🤔..), I can still date online. Now I’ve never been a huge fan of this option, but I have found that more people seem to be on it at the moment since the majority of us are not out and about at the bars. I’ve had a few nice conversations with guys who live in the area and we’ve talked about having FaceTime dates. While normally, I would feel rather odd doing something like this, I’m weirdly open to it at the moment! It’s something different to try, and at the very least, it will be a funny story to share with my friends. 

It also gives me a reason to feel like a normal human again and change into something nicer than the oversized sweatshirt I’ve been rocking for 72 hours straight. In these times of isolation and uncertainty, routine is so very important. So if having a date on a Friday night is something you’d normally be open to pre-coronavirus, why stop now? Who knows...it could just end up being the material for a very entertaining speech at your wedding. 

Now, the online dating option is great if you feel emotionally ready and safe to do so. If now is a better time to focus on yourself, then have FaceTime dates with your friends. You could even watch a movie or play a game with each other. Be creative!

Hang in there, single friends. And remember, love is all around if we choose to look for it.