Grief
Grieving looks different for everyone and there is a wide array of reasons for grief. The stinging grief of a life cut short, grieving for a friend when she is told she may never be a mother, or seeing a life come to a natural close. In the past month, I have experienced all of these things.
Grieving is a natural part of life — just as is death. It is not a topic we talk a lot about, but the more we embrace the end of life the more we can fully appreciate the present. In college, I took a whole course on Death & Dying. After taking some time for space and to feel all the emotions, I thought I would put together a short list for how to help others cope with grief from this course and my own personal experience.
When you find out that something has happened to a friend, reach out. It is never too late to tell them that you care about them, and you are available if they need you.
When visiting with a grieving friend, you don’t have to fill the silence with idle chatter. Sometimes it is okay to just hold the space with them in silence.
Let your friend vent and feel whatever they are feeling. There is no right emotion to be feeling when grieving and letting someone express their emotions will help them process the event.
It can be helpful to plan activities out and about to get their mind off the grief. Even if they cancel the plans, don’t give up. Keep trying. Be patient with your friend. People process grief in many different ways.
Even if years have passed, certain times of year may still be difficult (i.e., holidays, anniversary of the event, etc.). Reach out and let them know you remember what they went through and that you care about them.
Grieving doesn't have to only occur around the death of a person or a pet — you can also grieve things you miss or how you envisioned your future. In my experience, this type of grief usually happens when expectations are misaligned with your current reality. Processing these emotions is how you are able to move forward. Take time to be with yourself and feel these feelings. Once you have, try to be present. Focus on everything you have and how lucky you are to be on your current path.
If you feel you need help, ask for it — whether that is from a friend, family member, or a professional. There is no shame in asking for help. The national suicide and crisis lifeline is always available by calling or texting 988. They can provide you with free and confidential support.
I hope you will find peace and solace in the beauty all around you.
For more information about grief services, contact Donna Kane, MA, CT, JCS Grief Clinician at dkane@jcsbaltimore.org or 410-843-7394 or visit: JCS Grief Services
