The Mental Well Community Connections: Kelly Gable

In 3-5 sentences, tell us a little about you and your background. What is your name, where did you grow up, where are you now, any hobbies or other things about you that you’d like to share?

Hi, I’m Kelly Gable. I’m originally from Ocean City, MD, but as of right now I live in Nashville, TN. I’ve lived all over the country and even in the jungle of Indonesia. My passion is wildlife conservation, but my everyday hobbies include clay jewelry making, snuggling my dog and cat, and eating noodles.

Do you prefer the mountains or beach? Why? 

That’s tough. I grew up on the beach and nothing compares, but I feel my best self when I’m in the woods on a mountain.

What is a really good book you’ve read or movie you’ve seen recently? 

I just finished the book Animal by Lisa Taddeo. I heard she was a great author and I didn’t really even look to see what the book was about. It almost felt like the book chose me because I related so much to the trauma this woman faces throughout her story. Movie…I think we can all agree Encanto is the best right now. I also really enjoyed Don’t Look Up. Leo and I share a birthday and a need to save this planet.

Who do you look up to in your life and, if they were to read this, is there anything you would like to tell them? 

I look up to my little sister. She has always been a beam of positivity in my life, even when she would steal my clothes. We faced different difficulties growing up, as we are 6 years apart in age, but we have always been there for eachother no matter what. Somehow, through her troubles, she managed to become the most mature, responsible, and tender person I know. She always knows how to pull me out of my depressive episodes and her success as a human is so inspiring to me. She makes me believe that I can be there too one day.

What is it about “mental health” that you are passionate about? Why? Any experience you’d like to share that brought this passion out?  

Mental Health to me is so insanely important and it’s looked over and ignored too often. I didn’t have a necessarily easy childhood (to be honest most millennials didn’t) and that trickled into my adult life as well. I wish so badly someone had shown me the importance of taking care of your brain and heart before I was 29. I don’t know if there was a clear moment of it clicking to me, but once I realized how much we all suffer without acknowledgment I knew I wouldn’t be quiet about it. I don’t withhold any experiences in my life in hopes someone can use that to realize they’re not alone or do better for themselves.

What's a difficult situation you survived/came through/found resilience in? What did the experience teach you about yourself? 

CONTENT WARNING: ABUSE

I was abused as an adolescent, I’ve been sexually assaulted, I have been violently raped, and I am suicidal…but, honestly I think gaslighting and manipulation by a partner has been the most difficult of all of those experiences to overcome. None of those instances were my fault, I have no role in what someone else physically did to me. However, when you allow yourself to continuously be mentally abused by someone, you have the choice to leave and end it. For me, I was afraid of being alone or losing my life and my friends. It’s hard to have your friends and family believe someone isn’t a good person if they can’t see they’ve physically hurt you. Wounds and bones will always heal, but your brain can’t unless you know exactly how to do so and have the support you need. So, for me being able to finally let go of someone and walk away has been one of the difficult situations. It was something I had to decide and the hardest part was deciding to get help reframing the way I look at myself and my worth. I’m still finding that, but the outcome is that I now know I am worthy of love, kindness, and grace.

If you could tell your younger self something, what would it be and why? 

I would tell myself you don’t owe anyone politeness or obedience. We’re taught to obey and respect and always be kind to our family and even strangers on the street. But, if it doesn’t feel right, trust your gut…even if it’s a parent. That will condition you to do that and give so many people the power to do whatever they want to you or your feelings.

What is one of your favorite quotes and why? 

I have two…1. “F*** Politeness” (MFM podcast see above haha) You don’t owe anyone any politeness. That gets people kidnapped sometimes. 2. “Should is the basis of all neurosis” (A therapist I had a long time ago). I didn’t like him much, but this quote has helped me a lot. The word should puts your expectations and values on someone else that might not have the same ones. Change the word to want if it’s something you want. EX: I should do the dishes. But really, I want to do the dishes so I can have an empty sink that won't stress me out. Or…My dad should love me. Really, I want my dad to love me the way I want to be loved. Less expectations of what you want people to do and more taking responsibility for what you want, but might not happen. I always think I would hate it if someone expected something of me that I don’t agree with. Same the other way around.

Do you have any aspirations for yourself over the next year or two and how do you plan to reach those goals? 

I do! I really want to go back to school and get a PhD. Like mentioned early on, wildlife conservation is my thing. I am fascinated with insects and they’re super important to our survival on this earth, so I’d probably like to go back and study Entomology. I’m hoping to apply in the next year so I can attend in the next two. I’m pretty easy when it comes to achieving goals. I tell myself this is what you want, so do it, and I do. If I have any part of me that is unsure I know it won't happen. I’m like a walking Nike ad.

Mental health priorities evolve with age and experience, what are one or two important pillars that make up the foundation of who you are today? 

This is a hard one. First one, I try to base my life around healthy boundaries with those around me. I create boundaries in my friendships, guests at work, my boss, etc. I let a lot of friends and family take advantage of me in my life, and I don’t allow that anymore. The same at work, I make sure that MY time is my priority. Second I would say maybe what purpose in life means. Everyone wants to feel like they have a reason for existing, and mostly it’s because our parents had a baby. But, meaning in life is still something we desire, and I try to remember purpose doesn’t have to be worldwide. Obviously not everyone is going to invent an electric car or save someone from a moving train. I like to think my purpose is to make people laugh, give people someone to confide in and trust, and to give good lives to puppies and kittens. So in short, my pillars of who I am today are healthy boundaries and small, meaningful purposes.

How do you manage your mental health? 

I go to in person therapy weekly and I take two medications daily, and a third as necessary. It was hard accepting I need medication to function happily, but I try to look at it like any other health issue. People with diabetes take insulin every day, I take medication every day to keep my brain chemicals moving. Also, aside from the normal maintenance, I think taking responsibility every day for my mental health is important. I may not be the reason I suffer, but it is my suffering to take care of. 

In terms of “self-care” what do you do that a reader may be able to easily adopt into their life? 

I like to get my nails done and get a massage every so often, but daily self care is more important. I take an hour (or whatever you have time for) each morning to make my coffee and sit in silence with my animals. I also take the time to work out 4-5 times a week. Less often situations, saying “no” to a plan I no longer feel like doing and taking personal days from work. I am lucky because I am mostly my own boss, but I constantly have things I have to do every day. But every couple weeks I tell my staff to leave me alone all day :)

It’s important to be supported, but how do you offer support to the people in your life? 

Supporting others actually makes me feel better. I'm type two, so I thrive on other people needing me. Supporting others really depends on how they want support, and I think communicating with your people about what they need is a good start. Do they want space, do they want to have a conversation, do they just want to vent, do they want advice, do they want to lay in your lap and cry, etc. A simple reminder, though, that you’re there is often enough. One thing I learn from my experiences, however, is to not try to disagree or contradict someone's thoughts at first. If someone says they’re sad because they feel unloved, let them get their feelings out and communicated. I hate when people don’t validate my feelings. I know people love me, but sometimes I feel unloved.

Anything else you’d like to tell our readers? 

Talk therapy is important even if you think your life is perfect. Talking to an unbiased person is so helpful. You’re not broken. Your brain might be temporarily broken, but you wouldn’t say you’re broken if you broke your leg. Take time to heal the part that doesn’t feel good. You are worthy. Numbers don’t mean anything. Create boundaries in all relationships. Use your PTO. Adopt that cat. Kiss your babies. Drink more water. Tell the people you love you love them all the time, they might be hurting too.

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