The Mental Well Community Connections: Kim Ureno
In 3-5 sentences, tell us a little about you and your background. What is your name, where did you grow up, where are you now, any hobbies or other things about you that you’d like to share?
My name is Kim. I grew up in Ellicott City, MD with my older sister, and 2 brothers. I’m currently living 15 minutes from my childhood home in Catonsville MD with my husband and 6 year old twin boys. I enjoy running, playing board games, taking my dogs for walks and binge watching Netflix after my boys go to bed. I love making people laugh and I think the nicest compliment anyone can give me is to say that I am funny.
Do you prefer the mountains or beach? Why?
The beach, no contest.
My mom loved the beach and growing up we would take a 2 week vacation at the beach each summer. The beach meant carefree living, sunshine, playing with my siblings, and happy parents. The beach made each of us so happy so when I go to a beach those feelings come rushing back.
What is a really good book you’ve read or movie you’ve seen recently?
I’m reading the Wheel of Time series and have been for about 2 years. It was my mom’s favorite book series so I wanted to see what the hype was all about. By book 5 I’ve sort of checked out.
So no good books lately, but I just watched Blade Runner. The original and the sequel, Blade Runner 2049. The first one had a good idea, but was a mess to follow. The sequel was brilliant. The idea of a replicant birthing a child and all the issues that would come with that was fascinating. The cinematography was beautiful and seeing what the world will look like in 2049 was interesting. lol
Who do you look up to in your life and, if they were to read this, is there anything you would like to tell them?
My cousin. She had been through so much in her 38 years of life. But she is still here. She gives herself permission to grieve openly and honestly for her late husband, without caring what people may think. She gave herself permission to laugh and find joy in her life again after so much loss. She made herself a priority and sticks to her morals. She has also put herself out into the world as a mother, widow, friend, fun loving person and doesn’t care what people think. When she reads this, I want to just say “you have truly has found yourself, through the grief, and for that I am envious and proud.”
What is it about “mental health” that you are passionate about? Why? Any experience you’d like to share that brought this passion out?
I think being aware of your mental health is crucial. Whether your mental health is in a good place or not so great place, knowing the place is important. So many people think they are “doing ok” when in fact they are struggling. And on the flip side, some people think they are having a hard time, but once they take inventory, they can realize that they are doing ok, they aren’t alone and have support. I have been in therapy since I was 31 (8 years - with a 5 year break), when my mother died. Having a therapist to check in with has been the biggest help to my mental health, mostly because it makes me look inward and figure out how my mental health is. The work I’ve done on my mental health since I had my twins has been different than before kids. I am able to look back on my life through mother eyes, and realize that I have a lot of caring to do for myself.
What's a difficult situation you survived/came through/found resilience in? What did the experience teach you about yourself?
My whole childhood. I grew up walking on egg shells around my dad. He had a temper that would manifest in screaming and yelling at the us, the dogs, the house, at no one really. So I quickly learned “dad politics” and how to regulate his emotions the best I could.
His temper isn’t so volatile these days but most interactions with him involve me applying some level of dad politics to keep him even tempered even if they are unnecessary
He doesn’t explode as often but through therapy I realized that I had become the bomb diffuser. I have realized that I can’t control other emotions, and if they explode/get upset, that is THEIR choice.
If you could tell your younger self something, what would it be and why?
It’s not your responsibility to be the bomb diffuser. You only have to regulate your own emotions. I know that’s hard but that’s because no one has taught you how. Enjoy your life more than you are. It’ll all work out even if people around you aren’t mentally stable.
What is one of your favorite quotes and why?
“Knowledge is power”
This was first said to me by my sister. I think it’s a proverb but I apply to life all the time. It’s true. I don’t take it as having knowledge, or learning makes you powerful, I view more of keeping your cards close to your vest. I keep saying talk therapy is great and being open and honest to the people in your life is important and I believe that, but not everyone in your life has to know everything.
Simple things…people don’t need to know you initial thoughts/emotions to a situation unless you want them to know.
People who love and care about you, more than likely, wont abuse the power of knowing what you share, but others can take advantage of it. Even in the smallest of ways.
I trained for my last marathon with only telling a select few people. I was tired of people making their little comments about my training. Nothing major but those little comments don’t’ always feel great. By sharing my intention, I was giving them power over me.
Do you have any aspirations for yourself over the next year or two and how do you plan to reach those goals?
I want to feel like I’m a success.
I want to be happier in the everyday.
I think keeping a gratitude journal would be beneficial.
Stop the comparison and jealousy.
Mental health priorities evolve with age and experience, what are one or two important pillars that make up the foundation of who you are today?
You can’t help how you feel but you can control how you act. The parts of us, the emotions, are all there to help you. Once you acknowledge them and figure out how they are helping, you wont feel so out of control.
Listening to your body. Rest when you are tired….rest with no guilt. Move when your body wants to move. Laugh when you find something funny, cry when you need to cry. Everything is normal. You aren't an outlier.
How do you manage your mental health?
Therapy. Journaling. Running. Being honest with the people in my life about what's going on. Take breaks when I need it. And setting boundaries.
In terms of “self-care” what do you do that a reader may be able to easily adopt into their life?
Therapy. Oh you said easily.
Easily, I suggest journaling for 5 minutes each night. Take 5 minutes to free write and help those thoughts get out of your head on to paper, or in your phone.
It’s important to be supported, but how do you offer support to the people in your life?
I listen. I show up. I let them feel what they are feeling and try to only give advice when asked. I wont try to solve their problems unless they ask but will sit with them as they vent or figure it out on their own.
With my boys I will often ask….Do you need me to do something, say something (advice), or listen?"
Anything else you’d like to tell our readers?
Mental Health doesn’t look the same for everyone, but everyone should make it a priority.
We take care of our physical health. When we are sick we go to the doctor. We get yearly physicals and blood work. Your mental health is just as important.