The Mental Well Community Connections: Tricia League

In 3-5 sentences, tell us a little about you and your background. What is your name, where did you grow up, where are you now, any hobbies or other things about you that you’d like to share?

My name is Tricia. I grew up in Baltimore County, Maryland with my mom, dad, and older brother. I went to college at Salisbury University where I met my husband. We got married in 2014, have an almost four year old son, and are expecting another child in July. We live in Carroll County, Maryland now and I’m a fifth grade teacher for Baltimore County Public Schools.

Do you prefer the mountains or beach? Why? 

I prefer the beach. I love the sand between my toes, relaxing, listening to the crashing of the waves. I love the feeling of the warm sun on my face and cool water a few yards away to cool off when I need it.

What is a really good book you’ve read or movie you’ve seen recently? 

I love the post- apocalyptic genre and a book I read recently is called Wool. It’s about a post-apocalyptic dystopian society in the future. Couldn’t put it down!

Who do you look up to in your life and, if they were to read this, is there anything you would like to tell them? 

There is a couple at our church that I really look up to. They are kind, compassionate people that offered my husband and I a lot of wisdom and have helped us through some dark times.

What is it about “mental health” that you are passionate about? Why? Any experience you’d like to share that brought this passion out?  

I’m so passionate about mental health because it’s something I’ve struggled with my whole life. I was made to feel, whether it be directly or indirectly, that my feelings were invalid and I just needed to toughen up and suck it up. It wasn’t until later in life I realized that I am not too much, my feelings are completely valid, and it’s okay to get help if you’re overwhelmed and drowning.

What's a difficult situation you survived/came through/found resilience in? What did the experience teach you about yourself? 

CONTENT WARNING: POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION/ANXIETY, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS

The most difficult thing I’ve had to go through with three weeks after my son was born. I had experienced panic attacks before but not like this. I felt like every negative thought and fear I ever had was rearing it’s ugly head at the same time and trying to attack me. The only solace I could find, and it was ever so brief, was curling up in ball, not moving, and holding my breath. My thoughts wouldn’t let me sleep. I resented my son for being born and ruining my life. I was paranoid that everyone I cared about was going to leave me because I was too much. I didn’t want to live because the only thoughts taking up residence in my head were racing, negative, dark thoughts. I feared that I would lose my sanity and become someone else.

I had no appetite and my gurgling stomach would wake me up from the twenty minutes or so I could muster to sleep. I would gag through downing a protein shake just so I had something in my belly but only a hour later would I have extreme diarrhea from the nagging anxiety.

I was prescribed Xanax and Zoloft but was told the Zoloft could take at least a month to kick in. I would find brief relief from the Xanax but squirm watching the clock waiting for when I could take it again. My breaking point was when I had been up for two days. I had tried a sleeping pill that didn’t take. I called my psychiatrist and was told I could apply for medical marijuana to sleep but it could take two weeks to be approved. He also told me if kept taking Xanax it would stop working and my panic attacks would become worse.

I pleaded for my family to check me into a mental hospital because I couldn’t do it on my own. I stayed four days at an inpatient mental hospital and two weeks at an outpatient program. I was around people that understood I wasn’t making this up and putting on a show, that it wasn’t that I was weak and not trying hard enough, that I needed help and that was okay.

I found a new psychiatrist that was compassionate and found medicines that worked for me, that leveled out my hormones and helped me find peace and sleep. I started seeing a therapist who has helped me with strategies to cope with the anxiety. She has also helped me realize that I am not my anxiety and when I experience anxiety it doesn’t have to debilitate me. It’s okay to seek help. It’s okay to take medicine. This is helping me be my best self.

If you could tell your younger self something, what would it be and why? 

I would tell my younger self that you are not too much. You are not a drama queen and your feelings are valid. I would also tell myself not to do things just to be liked.

What is one of your favorite quotes and why? 

My favorite quote is by Marianna Williamson.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.”

It reminds me that I am more than enough and I have so much to give the world.

Do you have any aspirations for yourself over the next year or two and how do you plan to reach those goals? 

My goals are to raise two strong, compassionate children who love Jesus and to find time to take care of myself and pursue my passions. I can accomplish this by showing up for my kids even when I’m tired, being authentic with them, forgiving them, and teaching them how to be good people. I can also not be afraid to ask for help and ask for time to myself.

Mental health priorities evolve with age and experience, what are one or two important pillars that make up the foundation of who you are today? 

The two most important pillars of who I am today is my faith in God and Jesus and my family.

How do you manage your mental health? 

I manage my mental health by doing therapy sessions every other week, checking in with my psychiatrist and not being afraid to change the dosage of my medicine for the season of life I’m in and asking for a time out when I’m feeling overloaded and overwhelmed. 

In terms of “self-care” what do you do that a reader may be able to easily adopt into their life? 

I take long hot showers as one part of my self care. Sometimes I even sit down in there and just take deep breaths.

It’s important to be supported, but how do you offer support to the people in your life? 

I try to reach out to family and friends and check in on them and see how they’re doing. I’ve sent meals to friends or families going through a tough time..