The Mental Well Community Connections: Brittni Barcase
In 3-5 sentences, tell us a little about you and your background. What is your name, where did you grow up, where are you now, any hobbies or other things about you that you’d like to share?
My name is Brittni and I live in Western Maryland with my family, our two dogs, a hamster named Winnie, and a snake named Calcifer. I grew up in a small town on the Eastern Shore of Maryland, but we moved around a lot. I love movement; I studied dance most of my life and teach yoga, but I’m enthusiastic about any movement— right now I am really digging functional training and mobility exercises. If I’m not chasing one of my kids, I’m probably watching some sort of reality tv show!
Do you prefer the mountains or beach? Why?
I love the mountains in the fall, but the beach will always be where I dream of being. The salt air is so refreshing and healing. My husband grew up at the beach and I grew up not far from it, I even lived at the beach for a few years. Whenever we visit you can smell that you are getting closer to the ocean, and that smell is my favorite smell in the world.
What is a really good book you’ve read or movie you’ve seen recently?
Oh goodness, so many! I absolutely love a good memoir, probably because I love people! Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb, H Is For Hawk by Helen Macdonald, and Group: How One Therapist and a Circle of Strangers Saved My Life by Christie Tate are a few I absolutely love. I’m a few chapters into Jonathan Van Ness’s newest book Love That Story: Observations from a Gorgeously Queer Life and I can tell it will definitely land on my “favorites” list when I’m finished. If memoirs aren’t your jam, I finished The Last Thing He Told Me by Laura Dave a few weeks ago and it was SO good— I cannot wait for the movie!
Who do you look up to in your life and, if they were to read this, is there anything you would like to tell them?
My Gram, AKA my heart. She is one fiercely loving lady, and I am so lucky to not only know her, but to also be related to her. If she reads this, which I’m sure she will, I want her to know, or be reminded, that I am grateful for her grounding me through all my challenging moments and celebrations. I have a pretty rocky relationship with my mom and so my grandmother really stepped into that mom role for me. She never once judged my questionable teenage decisions or made me feel shame. She is my sounding board and literally the love of my life.
What is it about “mental health” that you are passionate about? Why? Any experience you’d like to share that brought this passion out?
CONTENT WARNING: Eating Disorder
I did not know about mental health until I was in my early twenties, and I did not embrace mental health until I was in my mid-twenties. Before the mental health light bulb went off, I always said yes to everyone except myself, and I didn’t know how to put myself first. When I was in college, so much happened to me. That was when I was at the height of my disordered eating— I was broke as hell, putting myself through college, dancing (I have a BA in Dance) 8 hours a day and working a few jobs to pay my bills. My disordered eating was covered up by not having money for food. It was during this time that my first boyfriend went into remission and broke up with me— I was devastated. Shortly after that I started dating my second boyfriend who, ultimately, broke me completely. I became unrecognizable to myself. After three years, I [finally] left him in hopes of rekindling my relationship with my first boyfriend, however, his cancer had returned, and he lost his battle about a year later. Towards the end of all this suffering, I put myself through yoga teacher training which catapulted me into my mental health journey. I met my husband, and we got married a couple years later. Leading up to our wedding my mother’s codependent pulls were raging and I, about to be a married woman, was pushing back, heavily. This boiled to a head just after my marriage and resulted in me “breaking up” with my mom. It wasn’t until about two years later, when I was pregnant with my first child, that I started “dating” her again. Although we talk now, it’s a very challenging relationship to nurture. My passion for mental health has been fueled by this snowball of chaos I experienced.
What's a difficult situation you survived/came through/found resilience in? What did the experience teach you about yourself?
CONTENT WARNING: Addiction, self-harm
Breaking up with my mom. Definitely. Our codependent relationship was turning volatile, and her addiction was at one of its worst times. Breaking up with her gave me time to find clarity and my own voice. I healed a lot of wounds prior to becoming a mother the first time and then healed a lot more wounds before becoming a mother for the second time. This whole experience has given me so much compassion for my younger self. When I was younger, I just wanted to escape— disordered eating, self-injury by cutting, heavy involvement in extracurricular activities like dance and track and field, academics, waiving my senior year of high school, wanting to leave for college at 16, all of it, was a way to escape my home life. I wanted control. I wanted to numb all the sadness I carried. Breaking up with my mom was a huge release of the guilt I felt for wanting to escape in the first place.
If you could tell your younger self something, what would it be and why?
I see you. I love you. You are stronger than you know. Your voice matters. Don’t diminish your own light so others can shine.
What is one of your favorite quotes and why?
“At the end of my life, when I say one final What have I done?, let my answer be, I have done love.” - Jennifer Pastiloff, On Being Human, A Memoir of Waking Up, Living Real, and Listening Hard. // This just sums up everything for me. I want to lead in love.
Do you have any aspirations for yourself over the next year or two and how do you plan to reach those goals?
To be a good mom, wife, daughter, and friend. I want to keep showing up for myself and my people.
Mental health priorities evolve with age and experience, what are one or two important pillars that make up the foundation of who you are today?
“Do no harm, take no sh*t.” - Rachel Brathen // Another quick sum up, ha! I want to support myself and my people, but I won’t stand for any nonsense. My boundaries are my boundaries and that’s that.
How do you manage your mental health?
These days I’m a busy mama, but I try to take a walk every day. I recently started teaching a weekly yoga class which has given me a huge reminder that I am more than just “mom”, I am also Brittni and she needs her cup filled, too. In addition to walking, I move my body every day, even if it’s just for 10 minutes. Breathing and connecting with my own mind gives me peace of mind. Other things I do: therapy, daily CBD supplements, and, probably the most important one for any other moms reading this, I try to play every day. Today I colored with my daughter for 10 minutes and had a tickle fight with my son. These moments of no phone, one on one, love-filled connection is what the heart needs in order to feel lifted. Even if you don’t have kids, PLAY today. Go outside and lay in the grass, skip to your mailbox, laugh for no reason! Just remember to play.
In terms of “self-care” what do you do that a reader may be able to easily adopt into their life?
Easily? Woof. Self-care doesn’t feel easily attainable to me right now, but I try to stay rooted in routine and get a daily walk in. I make a promise to myself to move daily and keep that promise. I even wrote a blog on it called You Are Your Own Best Ally: Making and Keeping Promises to Yourself. But, yes, walks are simple enough to pencil into your day, yet effective in supporting your overall well-being and health.
It’s important to be supported, but how do you offer support to the people in your life?
This one can be challenging but I try to connect with someone every single day. Typically, it’s family and one or two friends. Today, for example, I texted with two family members, called a friend, sent a quick video message via Marco Polo to another friend, and a simple “thinking of you” text to another friend. It literally does not have to be anything major, just a quick text or a card. I love handwritten cards but in this busy season I use an app called TouchNote to send postcards to people which I highly recommend!
Anything else you’d like to tell our readers?
Take a deep breath. Relax your shoulders. Unclench your jaw. Feel your feet on the ground and be where your feet are. And take one more deep breath just for you.