Letting Go: Grieving the Old to Embrace the New

When Nothing Feels the Same 

The holidays have never been the same since my mom passed away in 2020.  

My father, a true man’s man, did not even know how to do a load of laundry after she died. The house I grew up in, once full of holiday memories, now resembles a hoarder’s den. 

Due to logistical challenges, I haven’t been home for the holidays in several years. But if I’m being honest, the real reason is I simply can’t bear to face the remnant of the home my mother devoted her life to building in its current degenerate state. 

Stepping inside feels like confronting everything I’ve lost. 

Grieving Loss Upon Loss 

The year my mom passed away, I got engaged during the holiday season to a man who wasn’t right for me. Yet, every year, my mind recalls the way he spent 7 days straight cleaning cobwebs from every corner and sweeping up dead cockroaches to decorate the house and resurrect the wonder and joy of my youth so I wouldn’t feel like I had lost it all. 

While time has passed on, and I have too, this time of year can stir up grief so deep we can’t run from it, no matter how hard we try.  

Safe But Stagnant 

So here I dwell—in this in-between no man’s land—stuck somewhere beyond the pain of the past and the not-yet future where the wrongs have been made right and all has been redeemed.  

The in-between feels deceptively safe. You can cling to the past and wish things could go back to the way things used to be and live in your memories.  

But the problem is, this coping mechanism keeps you from moving forward. And typically, the people you care most about are waiting for you on the other side. 

Clinging to what feels safe can lead to getting stuck. And getting stuck can lead to darker pits of despair, like depression, lethargy, lack of motivation, and sorrow.  

Which is why, the only way to heal is to choose to let go and move forward. 

Letting Go to Move Forward 

Letting go of the past to embrace the new does not mean dishonoring loved ones who have passed on or devaluing cherished memories. 

Rather, letting go means recognizing the need to keep moving forward to make the most of your one ‘wild and precious life’ and believing the pain of the past can provide you with the wisdom to create an even more beautiful tomorrow.  

For the last three years, I have spent the holidays alone in deep agony, grieving the loss of my mom, the loss of our house, and the loss of the marriage I had planned to have by now. 

But is drowning myself in a pit of despair actually honoring my mom in any way? Or paving a brighter future for myself and my family? The answer is a resounding no.  

So this year, I am choosing something different. I’m trading sorrow for adventure by making my European winter dreams come true—riding the Glacier Express to see the Matterhorn, singing carols in Westminster Abbey, and strolling through the halls of Notre Dame—creating new memories filled with wonder and beauty that I know my mom would love.  

I may not be able to recreate the holidays of old that my mother bestowed upon me and my family, but I can choose to embrace the new and establish adventures and traditions that are even more in alignment with my unique vision, values, and dreams.  

In my situation, letting go means honoring the love and joy my mom poured out during the holiday season by making new memories to carry on her legacy.  

A Moment of Opportunity 

Whether you are facing your first holiday alone after a break-up, the loss of a parent or relative, or in a new city after a move, embrace this moment. This is your chance to decide what kind of legacy you want to leave and how you’ll honor where you came from. 

What kind of legacy do you want to leave behind? 

What brave and bold decisions can you make today to make them happen? 

And, as the year wraps up, how can you choose to let go of the old and embrace the new?