Racing to Resiliency

I’m a runner.

I run for fun. I run to get a break from my normal day to day. I run to get my blood pumping and keep my heart healthy. But, I also train. I have run three marathons, six half marathons, and countless other races. I’ll basically run anything for a medal and a t-shirt that is, always, too small.

I know I can run a 5K and 10K with little training, but those longer distances? Those require training. Months and months of training– think part-time job amount of training.

When I sign up for a marathon, I take a calendar and count backwards from race day to -see how many weeks I have to train. Then, I plan my training accordingly. I have my 3 times a week maintenance runs, I have my speedwork, I have my hill work (I live near a road named Rolling Road because the farmers who founded my town used to roll barrels of tobacco from their farm to the port of Baltimore for shipping and they used it because of all the down hills. But with a down hill, there's always an uphill so I get plenty of elevation gains.) And then there's the cross training which I can tell you, no runner loves. It keeps us injury free, but we hate it.

When I’m training for a race, my life revolves around that training. I do the runs, the workouts, I change my nutrition to meet my training needs. I become the person who won't shut up about it.

I heard a great analogy from open water swimmer Batki Sharma, "When you spend that much time with something it becomes a mirror." When you complete a marathon, the mirror shows the happiness and pride you are feeling, but it also shows the tears you shed during all that time.

Tears from a bad run, an injury, or the frustration of trying to train and still live your life. From all the sadness you feel when you can't go out with friends or morning breakfasts with the family you missed because you have to wake up early or are on a training run. In my case, my utter despair shows when my alarm clock goes off at 4:30 a.m. so I can get my long run done before work or before the sun rises and the heat becomes too much.

I hate it and I love it

But what do I do? What happens when I’m faced with a challenge, even one I signed up for? I get up. I continue on. I know that the awful feelings, the tears, the pain is only temporary. I put in the work now so we can show up for ourselves later. At the race, I can trust my training. I know our legs can do it. I know my heart and lungs can do it. I know I put in the training, and I can trust the training.

Getting up when you don't want to is resilience.

Now, being resilient doesn’t mean you are positive all the time. You don't have to be happy and optimistic every waking moment of the day. Resilience can look like someone dragging themselves to work after running 10 miles. Resilience can look like someone drying their tears after a breakup and joining their family at dinner. Resilience can look like someone signing up for an audition when they just got turned down for 3 parts. For me and running, resilience looks like ending up in the medical tent after my first half marathon because I was dehydrated and then immediately signing up for my next race.

So, what makes a person resilient? Resiliency is not a genetic trait. You aren't born having the capability of being resilient - it's a learned behavior. Plenty of research has gone into knowing what traits are common in resilient people. Lucy Hone* , a resilience researcher, made a list of 3 of those traits.

1. Resilient people know bad stuff happens.

We know it happens. We know that suffering is a part of life, it’s part of being a human. You can’t avoid it. Resilience people don’t think “why me” they think more along the lines of “why NOT me?” Again, this doesn’t mean we walk around being pessimistic all the time, waiting for bad things to happen to us. It means we are ready for it, because while the timing may catch us off guard, we aren’t surprised it happened

2. Resilient people are good at focusing on things in a situation that we can change and accept the things we can’t. Humans are REALLY good at noticing the negatives. It served us well in the evolution. When a caveman left his cave and on one side of the cave there is a beautiful rainbow but on the other side is a tiger, what happened? Evolution taught us to ignore the rainbow and hyper focus on the tiger, the negative, the threat! This is so embedded in our DNA that most of us live this way all day every day. We act as if a tiger is around every corner. You are late for work. TIGER! You are overwhelmed with the kids. TIGER! You wake up a little late, TIGER. Our stress is dialed up. It’s like our body doesn't know the difference between being late to doctor appt and a TIGER! Our bodies react the same. When you are late to an appt your body releases all the same chemicals it would, albeit on a smaller scale, if you saw a tiger. All this to say that resilient people don't ignore the negative. We are just able to recognize the positive things too. We know the tiger is there, (bad things can happen at any time) but we also look at and appreciate the rainbow. We don’t let ourselves get swallowed up by the negative circumstances, we do what we must to get through it. We survive. Don’t let the situation consume you. Don’t wallow in it.

Hone says, “don’t lose what you have to what you already lost”.

Being grateful also helps you get through the bad stuff and helps to build resiliency. When I’m training and it’s 5am, I’m tired, I’m sore, and all I want to do is go out with my friends at night. I want to quit. But then I remember that I’m able to run. I have the capability to run. I have a supportive family that makes sure I have time to run. I am able to listen to music and podcasts that I enjoy while I run. I make an effort, however I can, to find the good in the situation, no matter how small it is.

3. Resilient people ask themselves:

Is what I’m doing helping or hurting me?

When I’m training for a race and I am exhausted from the week but I have a long run scheduled for the next day, I have to ask myself, if I run 18 miles tomorrow will that help or hurt me? Most of the time it's helping me, getting more miles in, training my body to do hard things, but there are some days when I’m too exhausted. It might be that work was a lot or I'm not feeling 100% so I postpone those 18 miles, because running them could cause injury. Getting physically hurt is one thing but being mentally exhausted can be just as bad. If I didn’t postpone, I would probably start the 18 miles, over think everything and have to quit at mile 7. Some days need to be rest days, physically AND mentally.

Another quick and easy way that I like to practice resilience is by creating a resiliency mantra. A simple thought to remind you of the times were you resilience.
“I dont break, I bend”
“This is hard but I’ve got it”
“I am in charge of how I feel”
“I am stronger than my negative thoughts”
“Change is normal”

Phrases that can repeated to yourself whenever you feel like hard things are happening.

In conclusion, you aren’t born resilient. It is something you build in different ways.
Remember that you’re no different than other humans. If you are alive, you will face hard things.
Remember to look for the positives through the negatives. Be grateful as much as you can.
Remember to make sure your thoughts and feelings and actions are helping, not hurting.

When you feel low, like a failure, like you can’t go on, like you want to quit the training, the job, your life, remember your past hardships and that you got through them and you'll continue to get through them.

But most importantly, remember that resiliency doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to be sad, upset, cry…..but resiliency is what you do afterwards.

Don’t let it break you…..”find a way to bend”

*Lucy Hone, Resilience expert and researcher, https://www.ted.com/speakers/lucy_hone